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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28328220">Sometimes I forget that.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/isola13/pseuds/isola13'>isola13</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Folk of the Air - Holly Black</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Post-Book 3: The Queen of Nothing, Post-Canon, Spoilers for Book 3: The Queen of Nothing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:54:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,198</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28328220</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/isola13/pseuds/isola13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jude gets hurt. Cardan gets mad.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jude Duarte/Cardan Greenbriar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>172</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Sometimes I forget that.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first thing that Jude feels when her consciousness awakes is the hard pressure on her right hand.</p><p>It’s hard enough for her foggy mind to wonder whether it was that pressure that woke her up―till the deep ache in her stomach registers and a groan involuntarily escapes her mouth.</p><p>“Jude?”</p><p>Cardan, her thought helpfully supplies through the haze of pain.</p><p>“Jude,” and a hand touches her cheek. It feels cool to the touch. It reminds her of the mornings when he woke up first, and he would caress her eyes, nose, cheek, lips until she blinked open her eyes and smiled at him sleepily.</p><p>It hurts, but Jude really, really wants to see his face. She slowly opens her eyes. Blinks.</p><p>She’s back in their room, on the bed they share, and it’s away from the enemies and blood. Away from the chaos that ringed around them and the sudden silence, that awful black out after she was stabbed. Cardan’s stricken expression blindingly sharp against the faded edges of her sight.</p><p>Contentment washes over her at the familiarity of the room, over her tired limbs and body. Washing with the sweet memories of morning kisses, bickering over paperwork, and the time Cardan dragged a Beam Projector from the mortal world when she was sick and cuddled to watch a movie. Jude blinks until the world stops swaying and Cardan’s face stops blurring and she can focus on both the hand on her cheek and his face scrunched up.</p><p>Her throat feels very dry. “Are you okay?” She manages to croak.</p><p>The King of Elfhame freezes then drops his hands. Both from her cheek and hand. Jude frowns, wanting the touch of his hand back. “Cardan―”</p><p>“Am I okay?” He shakes his head, violently. There’s still blood matted from his left hair that sticks to his cheek. His blood? The enemies’? Hers? “You’re the one who took a sword to the gut and you’re asking me if I am okay?”</p><p>Jude can’t pinpoint the reason why but the anger in his voice suddenly upsets her, more than the pain in her stomach. She wants him, achingly so, but not like this.</p><p>“All I know is that I fell and blacked out and I had no idea what happened to you. Of course I’m worried.”</p><p>The fight was a moment of blur flashing before her eyes. Dropping her guard for one moment and she never hated herself more. One slip and her life almost ended.</p><p>“Yes, Jude. You fell.” Cardan fists his hands on his knees. Why is he so angry? Jude can’t recall the last time he was this angry. He usually turns cold and cut off. “You almost died. I thought you would die. And I never want to feel that way again.”</p><p>“It’s not like I got hurt on purpose―”</p><p>“But you did. You just recklessly risked your life like usual.”</p><p>Jude levels her gaze, and doesn’t hide the hurt in her voice. “I thought you trusted me. Enough to know I’d take care of myself anyway.”</p><p>Cardan’s lips twitch. “It’s not the matter of trust.”</p><p>“Then what?”</p><p>“You―you’re the Queen of Faerie. Of Elfhame. We need you. Elfhame needs you. And by that it means you should try to protect yourself more and better, not throwing yourself into danger every single time there is one.”</p><p>“And the fact that I am the Queen is exactly why I shouldn’t hold myself back!” Jude shouts back and instantly regrets it as she winces against the pain.</p><p>Cardan flinches back as though he was the one who hurt. That fueled another fury in her. She doesn’t say anything further, knowing that Cardan is fully aware of her own insecurity still as the ruler of her home. Jude bits the inside of her mouth, already regretting spitting that out. Relief that she didn’t die, desire of wanting his hand back on her face, fury at Cardan shouting at her, hatred for herself that she got hurt mixed in a confusion that she just wants to close her eyes and disappear from the world, just for a moment.</p><p>So Jude closes her eyes and turns her face away.</p><p>She doesn’t feel him get up or walk away, only hear the door shut.</p><hr/><p>Jude is caressing the handle of Nightfell when Cardan returns.</p><p>Someone left the sword beside her on the bed, someone who probably knows her and knows she would want the comfort. Jude doesn’t let her thoughts elaborate further.</p><p>The blade is cleaned, free of the blood she slaughtered and probably some of her own too. She can vaguely remember touching the wound with her hand still clutching her own sword. It wasn’t like she doesn’t know every fight could be her last―she just doesn’t think about the aftermath if it is her last.</p><p>The thought frightens her more than she admits.</p><p>Cardan slumps down on the chair. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>Jude refuses to look back at him.</p><p>“Jude, I’m sorry.” He’s pleading. “I was out of my mind, and I shouldn’t have shouted at you. I shouldn’t have said...what I said. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“I was scared―” her voice trembles and she hates that it does. “I was scared that I would die and contrary to popular belief I do not recklessly risk my life. I do not want to die. And I thought I would die. And what I needed most was you. Not you shouting at me. Not you angry at me. I needed you to comfort me.”</p><p>Jude feels her tears filling her eyes and escaping. Her eyes wandered from her sword to his face as she spoke. Cardan stays frozen, and Jude notices that he is still wearing clothes he wore for the battle. The blood is still sticking to his hair.</p><p>“Remember when I exiled you and you came back as Taryn?”</p><p>A smile twitches on Jude’s lips despite herself. “Vividly.”</p><p>“That was the first time I saw you afraid,” he says. “It was the expression on your face that was unfamiliar to me. And the first time I realized that you can be hurt. Really hurt.” He visibly swallows. “It frightened me.”</p><p>He looks at Jude, and his gaze is steady. “Sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I forget that you can break. Sometimes I forget that you need me as much as I need you.”</p><p>“I’m not unbreakable,” Jude whispers. “I know I act like it sometimes, but I’m not.”</p><p>Sometimes she wants to give up and let someone else take charge. As much as she loves her life, it burdens her down as well.</p><p>Cardan gently takes the hand that’s not holding Nightfell, brings it to his lips and kisses it.</p><p>“Love, you are still as powerful as you are scary.”</p><p>A small burst of laugh escapes her mouth. “I know. I’m still here, aren’t I?” Despite everything. Everything they've been through, are going through, and will go through. She wasn't leaving her home so soon.</p><p>“My Jude, that’s precisely why I love you so much.”</p><p>Jude silently slips back into her sleep, but this time knowing Cardan would still be here holding her hand when she wakes up.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks for reading! comments are much appreciated</p></blockquote></div></div>
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